Hold onto Six
by cuter-than-a-guinea-pig
Summary: My take on the emotion behind Blaine's outburst at Sam. It's short and simple and sweet, I hope!


**A/N: i just needed to write this. There was something going on in blaine's head when he told sam that he wasn't for sale and this is what I've put together. I'd love to hear your thoughts  
>lessthanthree<br>katie**

"_Can I ask you something?"_

"_No."_

"_Shut up."_

"_Yes, you can ask me something."_

"_I was just curious as to why you were so opposed to Sam's suggestion today. I mean, I agree with you completely but, I don't know, you just seemed really upset by it."_

Today had been one of those days, the ones where every little insecurity and fear and frustration that he keep bottled deep within finally exploded from not only the external pressure but the ones that he put on himself. His life wasn't perfect; he knew it never could be. He was gay. There was nothing he could do about that. It was one of those things that he could not change. He could make his life as close to perfect as possible though. If he was the perfect son with good grades and a clean room and good manners, if he was the perfect friend with a happy smile and an enthusiastic attitude and an understanding ear, if he was the perfect boyfriend with the dapper charm and flirtatious wink and hand to hold, if he lead a perfect life with a loving husband and a white picket fence and a son and a daughter which he could provide for with his perfect career, if he had all that then maybe, maybe his life could be close enough to perfect to make his parents proud.

Nobody was perfect though. Blaine knew this. He was smart. He could pretend and succeed for a long time but eventually he would crack because perfection was simply an asymptote that lay outside his reach. This was his third crack this year. He kept track. This was the first time though that Kurt didn't have anything to do with it. That was progress in his mind. Kurt had been the direct cause of the last one. Blaine had let his primal desires for his boyfriend's innocent, pure, enticing, breathtaking flesh creep through his gentlemanly manner, worn weak with alcohol. That was still the most devastating crack to date.

He knew why he had cracked today. It was partly due to his ideas being constantly shot down, consistently not good enough but there was more. There had been a threat to his fleeting strive for perfection. He didn't like sharing the things that made him crack; it made it harder to bottle away again, harder to uphold his personification of perfection. Kurt was someone he could trust though, someone who would understand and could maybe take some of the burden away from him so that he wouldn't have as much to hide.

"_You know what that stereotypical, gay lifestyle looks like? With the clubs and the promiscuity and the drugs and the desperate sex, the worthless, mindless sex, except that it isn't worthless because it cost you fifty bucks."_

"_Don't remind me."_

"_Yeah, I don't like it either. It scared me when I was younger. Like, you know when you were six and would watch Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid and you'd want your life to be like that. You'd want the save the princess and rule the kingdom and live happily ever after in that perfect little word."_

"_Yeah."_

"_You know how most kids, or at least most boys, grow out of it by age ten? Well I didn't. I came to the realization that I wanted a prince but never to the one where fairy tales don't exist, that is until I started to learn about the gay culture. It just seemed that everything was about selling your body to a different guy who was just as horny and drunk as you were every night. I never wanted that Kurt and I know it's more of a battle with myself, insisting that that doesn't have to be the case but having someone else put that on me after having another idea shot down? It was like I was only good for one thing, a good eye fucking. I just, I couldn't deal with it."_

"_God, you are good for so much more than that. Blaine you are so smart and selfless and compassionate. You are the most talented performer I've ever seen. You're so full of life and hope and it amazes me that you are because I know you haven't had a perfect run. I still want that fairy tale too, you know? I always wanted my very own Prince Eric and aside from your lack of blue eyes, I think I found him."_

He could feel himself blushing now. This was usually Kurt's role because Blaine much preferred to give compliments than to receive them. He didn't know what to do with praise. He had gone so long without it and his heart still ached because he knew it would never again come from his parents' mouths. It never would because he could never be their perfect little prince anymore. The words still brought a bashful smile to his lips though, they still began to fill the void left by his parents, they still made him feel happy, and safe, and lifted some of the burden.

"_I could get contacts."_

"_No. I like you golden eyes; they're perfect."_

He couldn't be their prince but he could be his.


End file.
